i just can't put my feelings into words.

yeahz... for the dunno how many time i came here, wanting to pour everything out, but i stared n the mind stares blank. i just can't.

i know i don't share enough. i keep things to myself. seriously, i don't even talk to my dog abt them to be truthful. snaffee just comforts me with her innocence n hug. i think thats all i need. esp when she comes to me just for a hug. thats all.

her needs ended up fulfilling mine. or maybe she just sensed it.

i haven been feeling good. havent. ever since exams ended.

cuz i know its screwed up. it really did.

i better study much harder next sem. much harder. n hope for more luck... luck.

so i haven been kind to myself. constantly exhausting myself. maybe its a form of escapism. alcohol actually felt good. shopping with exhilarating. partying was good. n work too! oh my. furthermore there were decisions to be made. the brain thought so hard. the likes, the responsibilities, the wants, the bad, the everything. oh well.

den we shld not hold on to whats already happen. but work on it.

jia you!

merry xmas n happy new yr!

i'm human.

i managed to differentiate between understanding and emotions. i used to think that i understand most of the time. den suddenly emotions flowed in this time.. n i managed to identify them. gosh. irritation and disappointment. which by ellis are considered constructive emotions. haha

well... i guess its cuz it really mattered to me. usually i say its not worth to feel and waste such energy on such emotions on people who don't deserve them. even if i understand, i can't help but feel such emotions. but i guess.. yeah. it mattered.

The uncertainties that drives me mad. even making advance booking might not ensure a space. sometimes there are unforeseen circumstances, but a constant repetition simply discourages. and adds up to irritation.

maybe cuz i was too excited for it. maybe cuz there were too much hopes. n i guess the catalyst was rearranging every other thing, compromising slp n others, to find that all was redundant act. oh well.. maybe next time i shld not put so much hopes into things. esp when my intuition tells me otherwise.. i shld trust it more than hopes. i'm not blaming.. but emotions are not logical/rational.

oh well. at least society stuff are more or less structured for certain pressing stuff. n we found out more, learnt more, discovered more, and planned more for increase certainty. lets hope all turns out well.

love snaff.

happy holidays.

How do you know.......

ENCHANTED ROCKS! hahahhahaha its hilarious n so.. DISNEY! makes u feel like happily ever after is possible after all... despite the fact that we're living in a world of no happily ever after. hahaha

played arcade. bashed out my anger on those machines in the arcade. so old school. such good anger/frustration venting machines. hahaha

oh well. but i guess i need to throw out these thoughts as well. so i can fully enjoy my holz till reality hits again on 27th.

unlucky is the word this exam period. i rarely get those cramps that seems to take ur life away.. n it happens just the day before gender exams. with that... i could only crumble n hug myself in bed the entire day. so there goes my studies for gender. n writing crap just doesnt ease the already down feelings.

thinkin that it wld be better today...i didnt manage to finish my paper. like... no time to answer some parts. shit.

there goes my hopeful A's n good grades.

luck indeed plays a big role in exams.

freak.

oh well.. at least its enjoyment till 27th. let me live in bliss n happily ever afters till then. n i need all the luck i can get n hoping hard that at least it'll be all B's.

n after that.. i'll prob need the arcade again. haiz.

hopes. happily ever after. =)