dilemma.

is it wrong to love? but when do u know if love is correct or wrong? no one knows.

What is love? i hope people will understand the actual intensity of it before talking about it, for i feel that the value of love is now, made norminal. ironically, even i dont understand love. so what gives me the right to talk about it.

do not go looking for love, for love will find u when u least expect it to. yet people nowadays are constantly seeking love as if its a venture, to be in love has become a trend. i detest it when people who only knows the superficial side of one and claims to "like" the person or worst, "love" her. don't u understand that love is more than just the superficiality and the looks of one contains of only 20% of the real her? do u even bother to find out how she feels instead of just her habits and favourites? knowing her favourites doesnt show that ur love is profound, n it definitely does not mean you have the right to love her. give up.

she does not want to put u through the torment, but she can't control your emotions either. she can't stop her surrounding reactions so pull out and wake up b4 u find ur pride and emotions rubbed raw. she knows herself well enough to determine the situation. she is too complicated for u. she doesn't want to hurt, her intuition usually accurate. she is unsuitable for u.

its painful to c another hurt, n a torture to know that she was the 1 who caused it.

yet she can't betray herself.

econs mock is shit. i'm shit. just shaft me in the toilet bowl.

crumbling.

why do she live,
to be created,
to follow instructions,
to accomplish what other wants her to.

to serve others,
be "wonderful",
to understand another,
be smart n talented.

don't u understand,
she is not as fabulous as u think she is.
don't u get it
she can't handle everything.

to be strong,
when thy heart weeps.
hold the smile,
but the soul frowns.

trying to comprehend
yet the words that describes
stupid, imbecile, idiot.
is this why she live?

the world is conditioned.
irony greets all.
freedom or prisonised,
we have it all.

understand the poem, not.
theres nothing to comprehend abt it.

me n my irrelvant-cies.

days have past, buried with activities. studies, racial harmony n chi singing comp! studies is still as atrocious. racial harmony was a blast of wonderful flashes as every1 was beautifully dressed, esp t9! ooh n chinese singing comp where just cha emerged a successful 2nd (to our surprise as we really didnt expect it!)! must be the adorable pig, the enchanting voice and the hardworking "farmer"! haha ok do not be mistaken as i definitely did not sing, if i did, there wldnt be much audience. i'm self concious so no worries.

will be buried with my books for the next couple of mths. wish me luck. sorry for not being able to catch up as often with most of my frenz.. but if its impt, i'm a call/sms away though i mite take eternity to reply. take care every1.

excruciating pain.

the lives of geisha. memoirs of geisha is one of my best read, nex to dan brown and jk rowling. the hopes of a young girl, the detachment she faces, the "eels and caves" she hafta learn, the art of entertainment- all gathered in rich emotions. i lived in the life of a geisha for the past few days, n the knowledge learnt will be engraved in me forever.

i used to think that geisha was a entertainer, known as social escort in modern days. if geisha are pple who are mere social escorts with no connections with sexual activities (prostitution), i wld haf proudly proclaim that i want to be 1, want to try the life of her for a week. to learn the art, the dance and discover their wit n intelligence. the most popular geisha must be highly intelligent, graceful, angelic and talented. den again, i will prob fail all criterias to become 1, even if it were for a brief minute.

i have a wish to c how a famous geisha looks and sound like.

the pain in my toes. blistering toes from the abrasion of pointe shoes and balancing my entire weight on the relatively small "big" toe compared with my entire body. reminds me of "no pain no gain". without enduring the pain from tearing skins shoes, i will never reach the stage of "highly graceful" ballarinas, not like i am any where near there. to attain such gracefulness, ballarinas pay off their toes, some rotten till it turns scrungy and black like over used hardened sponge with dirt clinging tightly to it, ready for disposal. luckily mine look like toes, except for the few visible scars of deep blisters.

the consolation, i've improved in my pointe work n still working on my dance. add studies (econs, maths and lit) to the list.

endurance.

alive or dead.

She's the ditsy prey
Who flew into the web,
Her limps got glued
Her mind is blued.

She worked to detach,
But the threads engulfs.
Her body retaliate,
Her situation desperate.

She struggles and forces
As the spider approaches,
Her face churns panic
Her body mechanic.

She flapped her wings
Yet only one came loose.
Her predator speeds near
Her heart pounds fear.

She tugs and pull
Energy rises to full
Her efforts seems redundant
Not all pain will achieve gains.

To be caught in this game,
she only have herself to blame.

life is just great.

school has begun despite the end of examinations
homework, research, "projects"
piles of work to do
yet so little time

time to increase the wisdom of my brain
statistics, frost, woodruff, geisha
where to find space
to fill the intensity of words.

pleasant excuses that dominates
bombings, safety, studies
simply tell me
that u want it ur way.

its not that i dislike busy schedules
neither do i hate school
but just that certain things done
somehow just turns me off.

no one said life is easy.

shopping, fun.

the past few days were just late nights. interesting stuff. haha mr n mrs smith is super funny and amusing. so comical that it's almost so romantic. hahaha angelina jolie was not as hot as i expected her to be.. but den she is still hot. haha

bought a pants from topshop n a tanktop from annex. pretty cool! n pretty low prices. i love GREAT singapore sale. haha lookin for shoppin slippers to replace the 1 that cuts into the skin.

ooh n b4 i forget. happy belated birthday bing! though i forgot to bring ur present.. sorry! nex time k..

was just thinking, if i had an angel ( a doll from the anime angelic layer) for me to design n shape, what will it look like? prob average height, small with long hair. wearing black and white but can freely add any attachments to costume. but instead for the purpose of duels, she will be my mobile dancer. hahaha so speed has to be high. that is just me n my fantasy.

if there is a faux body creator ( faux body in anime bleach, type of empty shell), i will be lost for choices. shld it be edison, konrad from kyou kara maou, ichigo from bleach, shannon from scrapped princess or kakashi from naruto? haha den again, i wldnt know what to do with these faux body except that they will make me lose my sanity. haha just kidding lar.

ok i'm tired thus the rambling. waiting for hair to dry and anime to load. so long so long. haha tml gotta return to school, so sad there isnt youth day celeb. oh well.. back to school...

sigh..school.

Get to know yourself better
http://quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

end of torture,

exams ended! like finally.
results are gonna be disastrous.

lit: i screwed up for frost's big time. pc one on drama which i rambled quite a lot and another on a poem to deal with love. i am so not pro-love, n i so cant deal with it. but i haf no interest in prose and i just cant be bothered with poems on nature.

gp: i'm dead for it almost all the time.

maths: just great for i've not touched it. only the night b4... n the 1st 2 page, out of abt 63 marks, i only did 30?! haha...

econs: the only paper i hope i'll pass. pass as in A'level pass.

wish me luck!

but had a great time today! InItIaL d Rawks! it has car! n i love the way the cars drift!! marvellous! ooh n of cuz theres EDISON CHEN who looks SO DARN good in the movie n so cool he's causing me to drool! haha n the ever so blur jay who cant really act but still did a great job nontheless! n theres SHAUN yue! with so many yandao packed into 1! pls just watch it! haha.. n its damn funny lar! ok maybe lame funny.. BUT ITS FUNNY! to me lar! haha...

ooh n marche session with the guys.... n ARCADE!!! like eons since i last been there! he he he i love arcades. spent a bundle of money. more to go on mon. but for now.. this once.. let me spend a bit.

but agony returns on 20th july-ptm.