that lovely scene.

was to have her in my passenger seat.
being by my side
travelling to one destination
filled with colours and breeze.

so why raise my hopes,
and seemingly dash it
worst! filled it with uncertainty.
thats the harm u did.

i guess professionals need to save themselves thats why. den another's direct response reminded me.. 'why pay them if they can't be responsible?!' haha i keep wondering if i shld fight for it or succumb to this physical weakness of mine. it nags so i think i'll perservere a little longer and be the irritant i never wanted to be. afterall... i do want to be the career women who need not rely on others. even if i turn rich and afford my own chauffeur, i still want to be the one behind the wheels.

so before all these red or whatever colour tapes are drawn, who are to be sure that the people facing it will not be caught stranded? i guess i was really painting the picture of me in my mid 40s on the roads to the beach with her blowing out that bday cake. and throwing all my documents and stuff in the back seat, resting in the front.

maybe i shld just paint it like the sbs or the mrts. oh well. wake up.

projects are waiting... calling, beckoning and ahhh.. i need many many A!

i need the motivation and luck.

exhaustion.

the only word to describe september. i spend everyday looking forward to the end of september! quite bad eh. but seriously, 2 jobs, sch work (this was unexpected) and tuition and friend's bdays.. i surrender to them all. hahaha

especially school work.... my gosh! i hate it when there is this sudden realisation that i had 2 response paper to rush! n so freaking difficult. plus i think i'm screwed for the both of them. bye bye to A's. shit. furthermore.. why does everything have projects!!!! n sometimes i think the scores are not even like.... deserving for the amt that we have to put in for projects. oh well. freak. plus project mates play such big impt roles.. can't we at least pick them on our own. freak. we're not kids. we know how to get into grps without fixations.

i think i'll miss levi's. really really a lot. i'll miss heeren. afterall there were many good times there.. good ol memories plus fab colleagues. oh well. so many changes thats occuring there its kinda scary. everyone seems to be leaving the company suddenly. even joanne is leaving. well.. i think her departure makes me more definite abt my decisions. haha

as for new acc job... i'm beginning to love it. haha reminds me how much i love all these balancing and numbers despite the times when i always almost pull out all my hair during days in sec sch trying to balance every single accounting qn! haha yeah i'm mad. i think i love numbers.

sept marks the beginning of bday's after bdays. its fun but all together so tiring, so many times when neglect occurs. emotional upheaval maybe. have we forgotten the real reasons behind these celebrations? or are there differing reasons behind these celebrations.

at least i know for mine.. i only wanted a time where everyone.. EVERYONE could gather and catch up. That made me happy. n thanks all my friends for making it happen. haha i think its great to have friends from all over the place and gathered together, finding our lives crossed. its like mini friendster gathering isnt it. a time where u need not reschedule n reschedule to fit everyone's timing. a time where as long as they are free, they turn up and always find someone that they are connected to. it becomes something of no exclusivity but only inclusiveness.

so how many more of these 21st bday do i have on my list? hahaha after plannign for mine.. i think i'll make it a point to appear even if it was for a little while for any other person who invites.

anyway i enjoyed trishaw ride! haha it was refreshing and uncle was so funny! though a little embarassing but... hahahhaha we had our fun. thats most impt isnt it? anyone game for kite flying? visit to the zoo? night safari? i wanted to go har par villa but sadly its closed.... and ermz.. Japan disney land?!?! hahahhahaa ok lar.. japan may have to wait till i get proper job n all... though i have a couz living in japan now. ahhh!!!

as we were playing truth or dare.. i realise how much.. just how much we have grown. where the topics we explored were getting wilder and wilder. haha unfortunately i'm still as boring as ever. oh well.. at least i enjoy my mundane life. haha afterall goals are more impt to me right now. yeah i may be missing out on life now... but i think goals are way too impt for me to neglect.

so don't you all people out there get it? i don't need a boyfren! grr. stop holding that pretense for friendship already! sometimes it get freaking irritating! and i have a problem abt saying no! so ahhh!!! plus i don't go for love based on looks or blah blah blah. at least take the effort to know me more. i just don't exist in that culture where everything has to be done in a week or so. freak. its not just abt you. its abt me too.

ahhh ok thats like 1 mth of frustrations. thankful for family and friends and snaff.

my last weekend with levi's.