you'll never guess what i found in my wardrobe...

I BET ITS MY MOM!!!!!!! grrr.. haha it'll be interesting to have me wear them and go around.

ok i've pretty much sorted out my thoughts regarding my interest. thanks mostly to char and rah. the philosopher and sociologist mindsets. haha its rejuvenating to know that i've found my stand. =)

haha so social worker is a helping profession. its just that they don't sympathise but empathise. indeed they help people to fit into society, fit into this world of inequality. i had this issue of facing the argument that social workers are viewing themselves superior over another when they are stretching out their helping hands which i was strongly against. indeed when we help, we indicate that one is superior, of a higher status/position or whatever u wanna phrase it.. social workers recognise that, they need to know they have a lot of powers in their hands to aid some1 lower in the hierarchy who is determined to help themselves.

den again, we seem to be the helping hands of the lightning. that depends on the type of worker u are. its another long story to be explored. haha must do it intelligently though.

den i was thinking abt inequality. we.. as undergrad studying inequality became the most... juxtaposed/oxymoron situation. think about it.

i can't help but admire sociologist for their intelligence, to view functionality of society in such remarkable perceptions.. but.... practicality wise.. i feel its 0. sorry if i offend but its just my perception. i like sociology, its intelligent stuff! however, its just too impractical for me. some1's word struck me hard saying that their methods may not be right but it works and improve the entire situation as a whole plus it gets welcome and rejoiced over by majority. i thought THAT was meaningful in some circumstances.

i guess practicality is an impt issue to me. knowing some1 is caught in the horrendous societal construct, i thought in this profession is where we have the chances to aid many practically in overcoming the inequality issues.

then again, i thought personally, it is more important that i want to see more genuine smiles upon people's faces. i guess that is what keeps me going. the rare and genuine smile.

i'm still self discovering. give me more time. its an awfully stressful profession. i'm only a student who is just introduced and i feel the pressure already. yet at the same time.. my interest for it brews. share with me more philo and soci views. maybe i shld explore psych too. haha its all interesting sphere of thoughts.

yay i packed my room. more like i hide all the unsightly stuff. heheh. n i still cant get over what i discovered. gosh.

happy Chinese new yr!

hope to see most of u on 23rd! =)

why am i so dumb to add unnecessary stress for myself upon predicting it?

gosh. i think i will never ever indulge in such activities unless i'm very sure i'm free, i have money, and it is NOT near CNY. shit.

not say its all bad.

i'm just tired.

At this particular time you are perhaps setting yourself too high a target and so you are living in the land of 'make believe'. It would also seem that you have been bitterly disappointed in the past and you are at a stage where you feel that you can trust nobody. You would like to forget it all and turn your back on the past and start anew.

You are a fighter and always on the defensive. You always need to be sure that your position is safe and established. When you finally make a decision you will pursue it to the bitter end in spite of all opposition.

You know what you want and you are very dogmatic and demanding - especially in your emotional demands. You have specific ideas and beliefs and if these beliefs are not realised you can become extremely frustrated. You may not be that perfect but you are looking for perfection with the perfect partner.

The stress and tension that you are experiencing at this time is perhaps due to your inability to achieve security and appreciation from those closest to you. This is resulting in considerable pressures. You find the situation as it stands most frustrating. You are the sort of person that would like to experience all and everything very intensely but unfortunately you are not receiving the warmth and understanding that you feel you are entitled to. Matters are not going too well. You seek a sympathetic ear but it is not forthcoming. This situation is extremely nerve-racking - and what is more humiliating is that no-one seems to care and you are powerless to do anything about it.

You wish to safeguard yourself against criticism or conflict and to embed yourself in a protected situation. You are a difficult person to relate to and very difficult to please.

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I realise i have major difficulty explaining what is social work and what we do. It is indeed a profession that so many people know so little of yet has so many impressions of it that is probably warped to the professionals. maybe thats why their trying to advocate for the profession itself after the many years of advocating for the clients in the profession.

It is so difficult to define a social worker's scope cause there are so many different kinds of social workers. After meeting the several Social Work lecturers, in my opinion, they are all really good with their communication skills and they are NOT just all about compassion. They do not guarantee the BEST for the client but opens up the options available. They know that every word makes a different in one's speech. They look see your behaviours and actions speaking. They do not Just listen but listen attentively and actively. They need to know how to get avoid getting sued all the time. They probably know the many 'deviants' of society.

that day rah n char mentioned that social work helps people to re-integrate into society. i was wondering... do they really do that? do i really want to do that? den i wondered, most sociologist are integrated in the society too, arn't they? then i realise, we're discussing 2 entirely different things. Sociologist, personally, seem like a study of views and Social work seems more like a study on how to integrate these views/theories to further understand people, then use them tap on the resources available to improve people's lifestyle according to the theories of needs and people's wants.

maybe to another social worker i'm totally wrong, that sociology is just warped. but to me, i enjoy studying sociology. it never fails to open up another perception on conditioned lifestyle. and it seriously make me think more about my field of study.

ok if ur survived this entry till here.. sorry to bore ur. i just needed to like voice it out so i can sort out my thoughts. yeah if ur find me extremely ironic, juxtaposed about ideas and all.. please forgive me for i'm rediscovering myself and my ideas. Social work indeed question us a lot on what are our values and believes. being open minded result in many more thoughts swirling around for me to conclude.

for those who read my previous entry, i'm sorry if i caused worries. Thanks yt for the chocolates!You really cheered me up that day! and thanks jm for the msg! yeah i realised only after taking social work module how little i self disclosed to my friends. its something i find it quite difficult to handle. so here i am doing up my term paper that requires my genogram. n i think i might just open my term paper for my frenz to read if your want. but that is upon completion.. i'm still working on it now.

yes i'm lagging behind in my Japanese Studies readings, my deviance readings, my social work readings. Basically everything. gosh.. there is just so many to read n i'm dumb to history. That explains why i've been avoiding my Japanese Studies readings as its majorly on history. gosh. shoot me.

n i know many offer to help me with my party but i really dunno what i need help in either. i just know its gonna have a lot of pple.. currently 38 confirmed and waiting for more replies. just hope they won't pangseh. i only prepared chalet and am preparing food and am looking for mahjong sets and tables. haha its gonna be like a gambling den! shld i open 22nd as a day of gambling till 23rd bbq? haha i'm such a bad host ain't i? but i really dunno what to do.

ok i shld just get back to my japanese studies... i keep deferring it. haha i need to study hard if i want my scholarship and internship.