我要相信

so my wake up call came. the supposedly harsh wake up call was not enough to settle the unsettling mind. all positive gets upturned when one's goals.. or supposed goals get shaken. so what is to happen? the future.. unpredictable. things that test our determination and depths of beliefs. that is life i guess.

there is the issue of society encompassing us or us embracing society. ok at least it is an issue to me. the life led by the former has sparked irritation regarding that, the subtle subject that encircles our lives. society's interest or our interest? are we trapped? trapped are we, we are trapped.

相信会像童话故事里

one's tutor will really affect a person's impression of the related subject. symbolic interactionist - good teacher = good subject. yeah university students are supposed to look beyond that. yet i find the difficulty to. meritocracy is such a pragmatically important issue in our freakin society. i do want to survive. survival is human instinct.

sociology made me think even harder, rather it makes me organise previous ideas and personal explanation i had of society. the process is messy, i'm in the messy stage. causing me to question, once again, my identity. i'm sucha child. maybe we all are yet we refuse to admit. we all want to be grown ups, independent, fall in love, and die wise.

i just want to die happy. superficial or true, the margin is currently blurred and staggered. being happy and looking happy is good. however, when is one truly happy? ok all these brain capacity shld be spent on my social work or sociology. freak my attention span. i need to mug as hard as the mugger crocodile. den again.. they just stone in water. do they? maybe a zoologist will know.

幸福和快乐是结局。

AHHHHH

i keep deviating from mugging.

GRRRRR.

What do I want.

i thought v hard about it n i seriously have no idea. ridiculous right. maybe the only thing i want now is for my life to maintain as it is now.. but ideal doesn't last. at least thats what nice souls have been reminding me. i feel blessed though.

I want good grades thats for sure. Good enough to get me the desired scholarship that will lead to the work place that i've desired. thats the only thing i know for sure. luck seems to be on my side.. n i hope it stays by me. =)

as for materialistic wants.. besides the musicals collections.. i really have no idea. I love toys, but i browsed through the toy'r'us new a4 booklet brouchures that guarantees it provides things that all children wants about.. 5 times now n i still cant put my finger to which toy i love best. i've become so practical wants and needs are like... blurred majorly. when i was a kid, i wanted a major doll house, i wanted bears, i wanted cars models (haha i know there is a major pun)/ figurines, i wanted a train with tracks, i wanted a children sized ridable bike, i wanted gameboy. n my mom granted all of them to me. i am pampered since young. yet 3/4 of these are lost.. including the gameboy.

and i even asked myself, do i want a advanced gameboy, nintendo or psp? it seems like a bonus but i can't say i want them. cause i don't need them. and when i finished browsing through the brochure for the 5th time, i looked at the little girl sleeping on the sofa next to me, i realise she is the reason for my loss of the list of wants. cause she is my greatest want, greatest since i was a child. I realise, i stop wanting for every other thing after getting her. She was no a short moment interest, she became my life alongside with family and friends.

i guess what i know i want now is to spend time with her, pamper her. To go shopping once in a while with mom, looking for delicacies. To have my dad walking in the house or being in his room, showing his concern despite his little words and to offer me a ride to school! haha To know that i have friends who share their joys with me, have fun together, enjoying each others company, to have friends who cares. To have income in the family enough for all of us to live a mediocre lifestyle. to live up to my family's expectations. to be a social worker. =)

i really did tried very hard to think of what i want. i really did.. but i'm a failure. well... if it gets too tedious getting stuff for me.. just buy me stuff u think i'll like n i'll prob like them. haha ok i needed to get a belt n a squarish bag that fits my lappy after my exams. but i think i better leave it on hold just in case in comes by during my bday. *major hint hint* thats all i cant hink of now.

i never knew wanting stuff could be so difficult. haha rather knowing what i want. as for now.. I shld be mugging! so if ur see bats flapping on ur msn.. pls chase the bats away. They shld be in the mouth of the mugger crocodile.

yes i always do have the i can't put myself to mug right before exams. it happens all the times my parents are used to it. haha n rah shld know. den again.. if she reads this.. i'll just get more nagging. ooh n twin too. rofl.

btw twin.. i love THAT song! i love it i love it! heheh. i love my visualised MV as well. muahahaha. sucha sexy song that came by. i can listen to it forever. rofl.

mugmugmug.

woodlands.

is an unfamiliar place. haha besides that.. its a place that i got my new specs and met twin! i miss twin.. a lot a lot a lot.

so what makes him my twin... our meet up n catch up just further emphasize not only on our similarities.. but the coincidence- the play of time.

ok it is difficult to find some1 whose characters are pretty much similar to yours, feels and perceive almost all the the same way. however our twin-ship surpassed that. we haven met for mths, n when we gathered at yt hse for bday celeb, had our 1st game of mahjong in eons, we ended up waiting for the same cards to win. call it co-incidence.. maybe it is.

so we were catching up. he's facing shit, i'm facing stress. we're equally busy. emotionally tormented. however he's much worse off than me now. yet we both have our own comforting means. a similar mind easing person that shows simple care. that both appeared at similar times.. 2 different person. that ease us 2 idiots who over works. haha n assures us 2 stubborn person who has high regards abt friendship. they may not know their importance but i believe the comfort provided is highly appreciated by us both.. right twin? its unexplanable but its just... a feeling of warmth? or more....

we're quite shut off from the world despite how connected we seem.

when so many co-incidences occur over the years, even coincidence as excuse/reasons seem almost invalid. our coincidences seems to be infinite.

it used to be scary whenever we realise such similar person living such similar lives and share such similar experience appear. the fear heightens whenever similar occurance is discussed. however.. now its just more of an acknowledgment, maybe even glad that i know some1 will be there to understand my plight, my situation. to share opinions. thanks twin, u make me feel less shut off.

i know i keep complaining about uni, i'm still just a little girl trying to adapt. n ur just a little boy trying to accept the change in environment too i guess. take care u ill boy.

love,twin.

Hobby.

i'm collecting all Musical vcds. i'm in love with musicals! haha hence the check list at the side.

yes i'm attempting to compile lists of things i want/need so ur will have less headache on my birthday. i know ur complain esp abt finding stuff that i want/need on my bday.

but of course if u do see something that i will like/need it will be highly appreciated. haha cuz i myself dont know what i want/need. or rather what i want are way too costly or i will like to get on my own accord. as present/gift to myself. haha

but the list also allows me to keep track of what i bought myself. terrible terrible little indulgences. haha these are things i will eventually buy myself. gosh..

school is freaking tiring. projects and term papers and test. why does it seem never ending. boyle is so difficult to act. but i needa do well in the play.. work.. work.. work....!!

found another anime worth watching.. black blood brothers! i love it. vampires n stuff. haha

fantasies.

Prestige.

3 acts to magic.
1st act: The pledge ; The magician shows u something ordinary, but of course, it probably isn't
2nd Act: The turn ; Magician makes something ordinary n seem extraordinary. Now ur looking for the secret but u wont find it.
3rd Act: The prestige. You see something that is shocking that u've never seen before.

the show made me think. as an audience i was lied to till the very end! i was a victim! my gosh.. i still cant get over that fact! the 3 acts seems to reflect well on the movie for me. It feels as though from beginning to the end, i cant decipher when i was being told the truth and when i was deceived.

i was confused, like an audience sitting for a magic show. the movie felt like magic in total.

the intensity of secrets to magician. How far will you go to play another? how strong is the trust built and shared? everything is indeed the tromp-o'eil (Trick of the eye). is that life? the show questions trust. questions ethics- will you turn dirty for your goals?

cloning seem to be satired. the usage of it. life is dehumanised. the show dehumanised the value of humans. individualism buried, surfacing in search of love. however, it tortured n killed. the fear in constructing identicals resulting in flippant deaths. is it flippant or has it intensified? i'm curious. yet in comparison with an identical bestowed, the bond so close- inseperable. what contrast.

i feel like getting the vcd. i can watch it over and over n over again.

it explored n questioned many fundamental functions of life.

curiousity.

it impresses me.