mini housewife.

return home in hope for a good rest, but all u find is sum1 screaming at u, venting their anger on u. a truck load of housework awaits. help in preparation for dinner, in which u got scolded for everything u did, correct and wrong. if its correct, u are added with more work, till others find the opportunity to release verbal frustration onto u, if its wrong- its ur stupidity cuz its ur first time doing it and haf absolutely no idea how to do it n the person assigning the task has years of experience.

if u haf no/late sch the next day, ur given the task of laundry, which requires u to wait till late in the night b4 accomplishing it. n b4 it gets assigned, u get loadsa scolding as well. den ur expected to organise the hsehold expenses, rushing everywhere to pay bills etc. suddenly, u became a mini hsewife. the only thing that u need not worry is to handling dinner all by urself(but u hafta help n provide another a time to vent their irritation).

i know it is wrong to grumble abt hsework. it is also my responsibility, but seriously it will be more enjoyable if pple properly explained to me how to handle it n help me out with it instead of returning from sch n find out that there is an abundance of task to complete n that i haf totally no time for my catching up of work. n i really do not need the endless rapping of frustration n anger nex to my ear. even if there is time for studies, i'm not 1 who works well at night + after all the work, i will only wanna a break- to stone, to rest, to slp.

look in their perspective: they had a tough day at work, they need a break, they find it irritating to come home n find loadsa undone work.

i'm really lucky as school is such an enjoyable place and coming up with answers or replies for maths and literature are at the tips of every single one's finger bcuz its such common knowledge. econz is so easy that i was pract born with the talent to understand the economy. furthermore school is juz an excuse for us to rest our ass and feet for an entire morning. and using our brains to absorb new knowledge is such a breeze that we're practically wasting out time in school cuz we cld juz read at home. n of cuz there is no hw, no need to catch up when everything is juz so easily understandable. n i really do not need to spend more time n effort on a's cuz its so easy it guarantees A grades. yeah right.

i'm juz a super irritated student who wanna vent my anger. y do adults tends to think that they are the only 1 slogging their life away and students are living a relaxing life. maybe it is true for some.

ok its not that i hate my family, i prefer it now more than anytime b4.. but i feel that our co-operation skills can be improved n the treatment 2wards our family members can be better. to add on to my previous entry, if pple constantly holds a facade for their friends, swallowing all anger den i will really pity their family, cuz usually their family members get all the frustration vented on them. either that, or the person may choose keep to themself n eventually go crazy. *shrugz*. imperfect life.

maybe its my retribution for my previously inability to appreciate my parents duties, i've really tasted the bitterness of not being appreciated. if ur parents are doing all ur hse work, or they got a maid to do it, thank both parties - ur parents for they took the trouble to employ a maid for ur family's benefit or personally handling them, and ur maid for making things easier for u.

i will hafta say, thanks mom n dad for everything. the list goes on n on. Even though i'm not pleased abt stuff, i'm still glad that ur really took the effort to keep the family going, n making it warmer den b4.

irritation released.

disarray mentalities.

do we regard the person who knows all our preferences and our background the closest beings? or that they are the most observant. do we treat every1 n everything the same way? or that only ur acquaintances and friends get better treatment. the front that we all put on.

but shldnt close friends be a sub-family? one who dun only cater entertainment n everything good, but also know who we really are deep down beneath. yet how many of us can claim that this is true in their relationships...

i've kind of walked out of that phase. my solution, i treat every1 equally. i try to understand my family members, not take out my temper on them n even if i uncontrollably do, i will appologise. bury my pride n ego. my friends are not spared from my showing of irritation when i dislike certain actions (not like i can hide it much with my facial expression that alwayz give me away). so now that ur haf seen the once in a while bad tempered me, its the true me. my short but horrible temper. i'm sorry if i blew up real bad at pple esp close frenz n esp in class, but the temper depends on the irritation level. n it will be directed to the 1 who irritated me.

enough of fascade n pretense.

now i feel like an empty shell. maybe like the 1 where geniuses felt when they haf solved all mysteries of life, except i'm far from being a genius. no motivation to study, life just filled with duties n responsibilities. creating stuff to look forward to, like saving for a driving courses n gd grades for a's.

spacing out as a form of escapism. a time to stop all my engines in d brain from moving, n feel refreshed after that. avoiding certain beings. cynical towards myself. if music is a way 1 can express their emotions, i need to dance my worries away. dance kept me sane. forgetfulness both a pro n con, and a form of escapism i guess. its because 1 wants to escape thus they choose to forget. making everything disappear.

mentalities disarrayed.

chinese!!!

grr.. all the functions of my blog is in chinese. n i so cannot read the words cuz not only is it in chinese, its in the traditional taiwan chinese writing! n not the modern 1! shoot me.

so moving ard the places of my blog through intuition. optimism: at least it doesnt require me to blog in chinese. maybe sum1 thinks i've been away frm chinese for too long n decides to play a prank on me.

wk haf been cool besides the fact that i'm gonna fail every single test i took. nvm, like the play says "class test only, dun worry!".. i wish i can still say that after my mid yrs.

sports day: the eco challenge brought much fun! though i was doing it with j1's but its really funky! i'm definitely much more familiar with botanical garden now, including my knowledge of d trees there. Qn: what is the similarities between a boy and a comb? sumthing that made us halt for a long time. we came in 10th position, not the best but it was still considerably good! =)

n sports day did considerably robbed me of my energy for the next 2 days. all my leg joints creaked and felt as if a small tug will ripped it off my body. if u think intense muscle ache is a killer, this juz made muscle aches feel like a mediocre. conclusion: i need to exercise n run more.

aniwae i'm gettin a new refridgerator! a very much bigger 1. so feel relief for my current refridgerator that seems intimidated by the amt of stuff squeezed into the limited dimensions.

holidays! though supposedly packed with studies as i'm extremely lagging, but still something worth lookin forward to! my hse is packed with chocolates n chips. u name it, i haf of it-most of it.

current read: the full cupboard of life by alexander mcCall Smith. its packed with subtle feminism and talks of daily psychology of how men is being manipulated tastefully and unknowingly by woman. my kinda book! set in africa, making it even more real! i love d book! woman: most of us haf the instinct to handle situations that scientifically will be recognised as psychology. (woman always manages to get their ways around men) Men: its time to lower ur ego and reflect about situations where woman, haf sumhow made situations in thier favor though it seems totally beneficial to u(d favor works both ways). the art n skill of womanhood.

nope, i'm definitely not downplaying men's role. but the humour in the book n how closely to life that it is related juz keep me nodding towards that perspective. i'm addicted to these types of books. oh no.. making me more feminist den ever. haha note: the book is not focused on feminist ideas. it talks of moralities and relationships of pple. the different types of pple. based on modern africa.

small hand equals small heart. big person with small hand.
literally n figuratively. wonder what.

singing.
past few days of "silence" clouded my mind. haha it was great job! had fun singing away during breaks! oohz n guitars seems interesting.. maybe i shld try n pick it up for leisure when i'm less busy.

bravery for pple who dares to sing on stage. thats 1 that i'm a weakling to. guess i'll never forget the unprepared, the lack of confidence when it cums to stage production. a feeling that will haunt me for life. dun get mistaken, for i was not amg the brave todae!

late nights n early mornings, i'm gonna avoid that. penalises on my studies, especially maths. oh well, my laziness, slackness n unfocused mind. only myself to blame. sorry mr. lim.

octy, definitely not ur singing that gave me nightmare! really! i think it was sum1 else, n the unnecessary stress (though i dunno where did it cum frm) that i added onto myself.. prob on dance since most of my fears are dance involved. nontheless, i love dance. watch "you got served"! it rawks! i love the dance move!! shifu! if ur reading this.. GO WATCH "you got served"! its a movie with damn cool n funky moves! r n b style with breakdance! i wanna learn the steps!

cant wait till sports day. craving for the upcoming holidays.

i took 2 buses, total of 1 hr ride to siglap to realise there is no dance classes. so i took another 2 buses, total of another hr back home.

AbSuRd.

nightmares haunted me 4 consegutive nights in d week.. depriving me of precious slp. thanks. no, i did not watch any horror recently (though i really feel like watchin amityville) and i haven been thinkin too much. stress? maybe..

the 1st night i was absorbed into the busy stage perfomance on dance. the nightmare? the part where gettin pulled aside by 1 whom i've attempted to avoid n short whisperings which sent chill down my spine. dun ask me what was said, cuz i cannot remember. d familiar "dee dee deedee" saved me.

juz when i thought i cld catch sum slp, the next consegutive night, my mom became part of my horror. she was trying to sell me away in the form of marriage despite my great reluctancy. the worst part? was remembering getting carried off by a super bulky guy over the shoulders as if i was a sack. the irony? my parents dont even wanna hear abt anything to do with bf related to me. hahahaha. but that nightmare became a joke after i woke up.

the next night was once again dance classes. it juz began shortly with my teacher demonstrating the beauty of dance with lighting n all, stressing the importance to pick up on our skills n how terrible i was at dance. fortunately b4 the dream cld worsen anymore, i was startled by my mom in the kitchen trying to make a cup of tea.

tired out by the activities in d night, i once again wished for more slp. nope, nightmares was having fun torturing me. this time i was chased. frm estates to sentosa(n the place didnt even really look like sentosa to me). hiding cuz apparently i found out a secret of sum celebrity n she/he wishes to silent me. so 1 night of running n hiding, stuffing half my body through the windows of a mini truck talking to 1 whom i haven seen in a long time thinkin i was out of danger, but was wrong n had to pulled my body out in an instance, dash away frm pursuer again. my mad rush cause me to end up at the indian store(i have absolutely no idea y), n i was convinced that it was safe to call my fren checkin if he's all right. den sounds of cars making sharp turns, brought fear back into me. juz when i was beginnig to panic, my alarm clock saved me from the tiring adventure.

if dreams were meant to carry meanings, pls enlighten me what 4 consegutive nights of horror means. all of fear, escapism, wanted. absurd in their own ways. i'm not 1 who can remember their dreams, n when i do remember em, ususally either their significant or nightmares. n i've concluded it is the latter bringing me fear of all kinds. luckily after that 4 nights, everything was back to normal. thanks to rah rah who prayed for me! n thankfully nightmares haf decided to give me a break.

night in fantasy.

religion. feminism. nightmares.

religion, sumthing i can neva really quite comprehend. a buddhist family, 13 yrs of catholic school, a freethinker in the heart. "God" becomes a mystical, a creator. A word to describe 1 of great power, an element or a human? that is one question that mite take humans another few centuries to understand, maybe never. yet religion evolved.

living in a buddhist environment, i cld c never the advantages of burning incense nor paper money, hses, cars etc. in my opinion, they only pollute the air n help to futher deplete the ozone layer. burning such stuff praying for good health, for longetivity, for well being became ironic as i c lives slowly fall into the invisible hand of bad environment, threatening the health which is an necessity for almost every other good things.

growing up in education infused by catholics idealogies. jesus became the next most renowned name. yet i never ever truly understood if he was human or saint. bible, the most respected book, n i never knew its origins and who penned it. can every1 be sure of its accuracies? for me, it feels more like the respected figures biographies of their most influential situations being recorded.

i know the desire for the devoted to spread their words, but sumtimes the method which it is done is scary. shouldnt pple be inspired to feel involved and devoted to a religion instead of being asked and constant persistence for their peers to join? i always thought the truly devoted were those who are inspired, encouraged and believed in the teachings which the religion is about. yet now i c more who are "called" to the service by the joy n companion it provides.

guess its the perspective of a person and how they feel towards a religion that matters. every1 haf their personal perspectives, as for me, i love my free thinker nature. i like to view the differet religion in an outsider point of view. Its not that i dun believe in God, but that my definition of "God" is different-i feel that every "God" is the same. Its just how different pple perceive him/her/it.

Dan Brown fiction refreshed my questions that were tucked deep behind my head. besides the thriller, the intensity.. there is another scope of dan brown which amuses me.

feminist tendencies, something that,i realise, is found in me. I'm the kind who believes in the greatness of woman, espcially in most Singapore Woman. Woman have the most important task handed upon her by nature, to provide nursing for a new life for 9 mths within her body, after that, another eternity of caring for the new life. the pain of bringing out a new life, no men can understand. not only that, even if a woman chooses not to carry the duty yet, they are not pardon from the pain of menses, another type pain that men will never comprehend. In Singapore, woman amuses me futher by being able to juggle with nature responsibilities, with family and on top of that, with work. Many woman can carry out jobs and accomplish it as well as any other men. Yet many men refer to themselves as superior(esp the older generation).

though i do appreciate men who actually helps the woman cope, physically or emotionally, something that almost every woman desires i think. yet only a handful of men truly understand that, others just violate and disregards woman's capabilities. no, i'm not saying that woman shld overpower man, i just cannot tolerate certain stereotypes in life. the idea of men shld never shed tears is 1 of utter nonsense to me, for they are human, they haf emotions. they haf the rights to shed tears as much as woman does but i believe for both parties, it is necessary to try and be strong n not let tears be an excuse for everything.

i'm not against men, as many of them are my good friends, but i believe equality shld be reach. as woman does her duty of nature, men shld do their duty to protect as well, so men.. dun complain about ns. cuz woman are built to protect and nurse their children, they lack the physique and muscles to do what men can(secretly i'm jealous of men's muscle structure), and in my opinion, men protects the family. both carry an equally heavy responsibilities.

i will never again say things to do with "haunt me in my sleep" for my words got the better of me. 4 nights of uneasiness, disturbed by nightmares of different absurd situations. let the haunting ease and provide me with good slp.

enough said.

phantom of the opera.

spendous! bravo! marvellous!

much so that tears slide down my cheeks without even allowing me the chance to prepare for it. another delicacy to the eyes in the cinema-musical industry! not regreting the impulsive purchase!

wonder if i felt more for the lovers terrorised or the phantom, secretly my sympathy tug surprisingly more towards the latter. another lonely soul outcasted by society due to its abnormities, what atrocities!

side track: maybe its also cuz i find the phantom attractive(shh.. this is a secret between u and i), haha maybe its due to its mysterious air. but seriously, he's charming even with half the face covered. it reminds me of what dan brown wld describe the actor's eyes, to be "arrestingly deep".

the enchanting nature of the female protagonist voice lure the ears. not forgetting sensuality that were appropriately tangled in. most importantly (At least it is for me), the beauty of ballet and ballroom staging feasted to the eyes.

not to be missed!

let the beauty of the movie haunt my sleep.

shall discuss abt my little love affair with dan brown novels next time. church arguments.. challenging subject.

sigmund freud.

wow. oeidipus rex as the reason behind attitudes towards life? main focus of life is sex? and people are aroused by sex since infants through their mothers? and peoples first primary concern was penis? manz.. those are sum aspects that marvelled me. how true? sigmund freud amused me.

yet he cld never explain girls.

nahz.. dun think i'm much of a believer in his idealogies. amusing but there are doubts. there are missing memories of life- those when u were an infant and his idealogies made infants lose their innocence. but i dun think breast feeding was the reason behind the desire for sex. u mean those who were bottle fed did not haf the urges of sensuality?

in my perspectives, it is the people who brought u up and the environment that u were brought up in that creates who u are. it is the experiences that creates one, the friends that causes significant impact, the circumstances that results to one's reaction. these are all the things that made individuals different. These creates the personalities, bringing about the goals that 1's characters desire for. i dont believe in inborn cravings of sex as all human natures goals. as for the desires for sex, maybe sigmund freud is right. i'm not one who is sexually aroused easily and unlike most, i dont deem it important thus am not the right person to ask abt sexuality.

nontheless, it was an interesting article that csught my attention. psychology.

billions of thanks to my worried friends who had to make a wild rush all over sch (esp rah n mokey) due to my sickness. appreciates the showers of care that penetrates deep and ease my pain. i'm feeling much better! thanks for the concern frm every1 else like yt, lz, t9-ers n thanks char for offering the ride home! thanks to my worried dad who did rush to pick me up in the end n thanks to the every worried mom.

richness does not equate happiness, happiness is when 1 gains satisfactory and receives abundace love from pple who truly cares.

the proclaimed strong is vulnerable to pain.

irresponsibilities.

sometimes i hope i cld include that in myself, but i cant. i'm 1 of the contrary. i subconciously pick up loose ends of others, i like things to be completed quickly and on time, i like to pre-plan, i like minimal work but maximum outcomes. so i can only blame myself for the extra load i picked up and throw on my very own shoulders.

i'm amazed how another can not bother abt other pple's enquiries, just pushing things according to their pace. not realising how others are lagging behind, assuming others will just voice out. when some finally do voice out they are being brushed aside, considered to be lagging, considered dense and unable to reach what is supposedly the desired intelligence and speed. what is cluster learning when only few is making the session progress?

maybe "the others" is just 1. maybe "the others" is really dim-witted at some aspects... or maybe all aspects. maybe "the others" is being lazy.

turning impalpable. doubting personalities. peeling the fascade away from one but covering up with an almost impenetrable darkness shell of protection.

independence is a fascade of solitude.

.

i'm glued to angels and demons. i love that book! been ermz.. 5 yrs since i read a thriller as good as it!! the previous and my most favourite was malice intended.. not famous but i love it!

appologies to sarah that her efforts went down the drain due to the poor response.. but i really appreciate the effort.. its juz a bit inconvenient for the decided date and time. hmz.. everything seems to haf revolved and changed havent it? people drift and get closer.. subtly sensing it..

sumhow i'm gettin attached to family. i got cough, flu.. and homesick, tired of blues. i have the habit of clickin onto my blog and enjoying the view of snaffee peering out of my screen despite the real her next to me. i love the comfort she brings when i'm with her.

the homework piling up.. the energy draining. sleep welcomed. heat tortured.. but air con makes my nose prepare to flee. twice in a week stuck in air con bus with faulty air con. how lucky. i didnt know if i prefer the stable nose or the comfort of cooler atmosphere.. obviously the latter appealed.

blogging for the sake of it.. redundancy like many things in life.